On Belief

I was raised to think that belief was a purely cognitive kind of thing. Beliefs are the sorts of things that exist purely in the mind, much like thoughts in general. Because of this assumption, it made sense to say that it is possible for someone to act contrary to their beliefs.

So it makes sense for a pastor to tell his congregation, “Now that you have the right beliefs (teaching/understanding/doctrine), go and live it out in your daily life! Go and apply it in your life!”

Notice that this whole approach assumes that beliefs are purely cognitive kinds of things. And so it is possible for a Christian to truly believe that nothing he does can earn his salvation, and yet still live discordantly with that belief (trying to acquire a righteousness of his own, for example).

But if not this understanding of beliefs, what else is there?

Here’s an alternative: Beliefs are essentially embodied sorts of things. That is to say, beliefs are the kinds of things that we actually live out in our day-to-day lives. They are not purely cognitive; they are embodied. This means that in a very deep sense, it is incoherent to say that we live discordantly with our beliefs. Because the way you live simply just informs you of what your truest, deepest beliefs are.

So we need to distinguish between conscious beliefs and deeper, subconscious beliefs. Our conscious beliefs, strictly speaking, are not really beliefs. They are mostly what we think we believe, or what we would very much love to believe. They are not necessarily representative of our true beliefs. I might think I believe that the bungee cord is 100% safe, but my behaviour and heart as I approach the ravine might inform me otherwise. I then see that maybe my true belief in the strength of the cord is not 100% after all. My actual experience of my heart teaches me about my own beliefs. My deepest beliefs are actually hidden from my conscious awareness, and I learn about them mostly when my conscious beliefs “bump up” against my own heart’s reactions to reality.

I might believe consciously that God is my provider and that in His infinite riches and goodness, I have absolutely no lack or need. But my experience of anxiety reveals to me that perhaps I don’t actually trust God as much as I think I do. This isn’t to say that I don’t trust God at all, it doesn’t have to be a binary thing. But rather, I don’t actually trust God as much as I think I do. My anxiety/fear/worry teaches me about the strength/amount of my belief and trust in God.

And so on this view, we actually need to learn what our own deepest beliefs are, apart from our own good, conscious intentions and desires. I might say I believe that prayer is important and makes a difference in the Christian life, but my actual experience in prayer of a wandering mind, distraction, even sin, teaches me otherwise. Perhaps I don’t actually believe that prayer is all that important or meaningful after all, at least not as much as I thought I did.

This complicates the pastoral task quite significantly. Because then the issue is not so much about wrong cognitive ideas about God, but rather warped embodied beliefs about Him. And so no amount of oral exhortation, scripture-quoting, or even biblical rebuking can change the heart. Because the primary issue isn’t cognitive in the first place. And so if someone is struggling with worry, it is of little help to quote Philippians 4:6-7 to them and expect them to be able to magically stop worrying. No. The fact that you’re worrying is God trying to teach you something about your own heart. He is showing you how little you trust Him in that particular aspect of your life. Open to that. You might’ve thought that you’ve “committed” this to the Lord, but then you find yourself anxious about it later. This means that you actually weren’t able to commit it to Him after all. What is the call now then? It isn’t to “recommit” it with yet more drummed-up fervour or zeal! It is to open to God in the truth of your heart, “Father, look how little I trust you! Why am I not able to trust you in this area? You know I want to trust you. But it seems that I’m just not able to. Teach me about my worry. Take me on a journey into my anxiety, its roots and triggers. Open my heart to your love in those deep places. I believe, help me my unbelief!”

Don’t waste your Christian life trying to will yourself into belief by sheer fortitude or strength of character. It doesn’t work. Don’t waste your Christian life trying to impress God by covering up or pretending that you trust him more than you’re actually able to. God will not be fooled or mocked. The Lord of all is the searcher of hearts and He already sees all that is within us. The problem is that we don’t know what is in our own hearts. Allow him to surface your deep beliefs, not for the sake of shaming or guilting you into repentance, but rather for the sake of opening you to love in those places of insecurity.

Christ, by His Spirit, is already in our deep unceasingly interceding for us. We do not blaze the trail into our own heart. We follow the beaten path of the One who has already descended into our deep and is waiting for us there in love. Allow God to take you on this journey. Don’t waste your life trying to be a ‘good’ Christian. Be an honest one instead.